The Power of Negative Thinking

I am a firm believer in the power of positive thinking, and I like to think of myself as an optimist, generally. And when faced with big obstacles, I do try to employ the power of positive thinking to get me over, around or through them. But unfortunately, as much as I *believe* in the benefits of positive thoughts, I don't always remember to use the power on the smaller, day-to-day tasks and relations. Instead I tend to slip into the habit of negative thoughts fairly often, usually without realizing it. Today, I realized it.



The day started out well enough. JC and I slept in a bit (8:30 yay!), had breakfast, piddled around and got ready for some errands. For some reason(s) (the fact that it's *that* time of the month being one of them), despite sleeping in, I still felt tired today. We went to the bank to have a form notarized, made two seperate trips to Target, went to the library, came home a couple of times in between, then headed out to a "free play" session at MyGym. But throughout the day, especially while driving to and fro each of these places, negative thoughts won out.





They started out innocently enough, like thinking of how frustrated I feel when my dh gives JC snacks immediately before bedtime, despite at least a dozen discussions about how it is bad for his reflux. From there I found myself thinking about what I could do to change dh's behavior without being a nagging witch (again). I noted how mean I can be when I'm frustrated or angry and pondered how I might behave differently to obtain different results. Because while my feelings of frustration might be justified (and of course I believe they are), my harsh replies aren't necessary, nor are they particularly effective, based on the results.





Then I noted how impatient I was toward a cashier at a gas station who carded me for cigarettes and didn't accept the expired NJ license I had in my wallet (current license was in my purse in the car). "I'm 37 years old, ma'am," I snapped before huffing out to my car to retrieve my wallet. When I returned, I attempted to soften up a bit, realizing that the woman was just doing her job, but I didn't apologize or acknowledge my awareness to her and basically avoided eye contact and got out as quickly as I could.



So essentially, even though I was reflecting on my behavior, the process of reliving those experiences and the anger and frustration that I felt, combined with the disappointment I felt in being so jerk-like, started impacting my overall mood and patience. Of course it didn't help that my autistic son had increased physical clinginess, OCD behaviors and whining today. In fact, I'm sure my negative energy threw him off even further - even though all of these were thoughts in my head and I didn't speak a word about any of them. He feels it and sees it.



So by the time we got to MyGym, after a long drive in traffic and some additional negative thoughts (this time about a friendship that has felt "off" lately), I really wasn't in the right head space. And JC continued to be off. He immediately noted the music, which was a CD that played clips of theme songs from various kid TV shows (Handy Manny, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Jack's Big Music Show, etc.) and he started asking, "What show is that from, Mom?" Over and over and over and over- and over -every minute or so. He was totally preoccupied. And they had the CD on repeat, so he asked again about the same songs even though he knew the answer or had already been told that I didn't know the show. *giggle/sigh* I could physically feel my patience being depleted and my stress level rising. And I was so tired of being grabbed and pulled and poked.



Then I realized that I had to snap out of it. I wasn't being fun or helping the situation. I was tired, irritated, and I had a lousy attitude. I was being a jerk. But thanks to JC I was quickly reminded that Negative attitude + ASD son on an off day is guaranteed to = multiplied unpleasant emotions and stress. JC is very sensitive to others' emotions and will become more difficult as my frustration level rises, so I knew I had to shift and snap out of it. The more anxious, physical, and intense he becomes, the calmer I need to become. If I'm not, he feels it and reacts to it, quite negatively. This is likely true for every child, and adult, for that matter, but with JC it is magnified and backfires (see Dammit post - and trust me).



So, I pretended to be pleasant and calm when he rudely demanded more juice, gum, whatever. I exaggerated my "thank you's" and used my best, peaceful, pleasant voice with him. Instead of being a wall, I became a swinging door (which is how I try to operate on my good days with him). And in the process, I think I found an answer to how to handle my husband when he doesn't do what we've agreed to. What's that, you ask? Fake it! ;) I will PRETEND to be a kind, patient, understanding wife.



If you want to be confident, act confident. If you want to be happy, act happy. If you want to be patient and kind, act patient and kind. In time you will become. That's what they tell me, anyway. And on this night I choose to believe . . . and remember. And my husband is sleeping, of course, so hopefully I'll remember tomorrow, too.